1
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:32,090
I personally think this story is funny.

2
00:00:32,790 --> 00:00:37,270
But if your sense of humour doesn't
happen to be the same as mine, then I'm

3
00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:40,610
afraid you're going to be a bit
disturbed by what goes on.

4
00:00:41,510 --> 00:00:46,130
And by the way, if any of you are
tempted to think it's all pretty far

5
00:00:46,190 --> 00:00:51,330
then you should stop and think and ask
yourself seriously whether such a thing

6
00:00:51,330 --> 00:00:52,650
as this could really happen.

7
00:00:53,910 --> 00:00:56,430
The answer is yes, of course it could.

8
00:00:57,590 --> 00:00:58,590
Even to you.

9
00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:18,020
Billy Weaver was travelling down from
London on the slow afternoon train with

10
00:01:18,020 --> 00:01:19,440
change of twins along the way.

11
00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:11,720
Oh, I'm sorry.

12
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:14,720
Not at all.

13
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:22,680
Excuse me.

14
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:24,720
Do you know Bob?

15
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:28,440
Certainly. You, I take it, do not. No.

16
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:33,220
This is my first visit.

17
00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:35,100
The case?

18
00:02:35,260 --> 00:02:36,260
No.

19
00:02:39,180 --> 00:02:40,940
I've been assigned to our branch office.

20
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,640
We got knocked down like a pot.

21
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,400
Mr.

22
00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:54,060
Greenslade, he's our personnel manager
at head office in London. He says, well,

23
00:02:54,780 --> 00:02:56,240
he says I'll profit from the experience.

24
00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:57,880
I sincerely hope you do.

25
00:02:58,120 --> 00:02:59,740
What line of business are you in?

26
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:01,480
Insurance.

27
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:02,800
All risk.

28
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,340
I suppose I could say the same.

29
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,320
Ah, okay.

30
00:03:21,740 --> 00:03:23,160
Bath is the most beautiful city.

31
00:03:23,780 --> 00:03:25,060
You'll like it, I'm sure.

32
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,340
One sometimes feels time has stopped.

33
00:04:16,619 --> 00:04:18,279
Goodness me, it wins like a knife.

34
00:04:20,940 --> 00:04:21,940
Good night, good night.

35
00:04:24,860 --> 00:04:30,020
You could try the Bell and Dragon,
straight down the road about a quarter

36
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,320
mile. They might take you.

37
00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:33,280
You can't miss it.

38
00:04:34,620 --> 00:04:36,620
AA recommend. Right, thanks.

39
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:44,660
But if they're full, there are plenty of
B andBs in Bath, and much cheaper, of

40
00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:47,140
course. B andBs, bed and breakfast.

41
00:04:48,180 --> 00:04:50,300
Landlady's Kipper's Roller Towel.

42
00:04:51,010 --> 00:04:52,650
Good luck. God bless. Bye -bye.

43
00:05:26,670 --> 00:05:27,670
be here too.

44
00:05:27,890 --> 00:05:29,110
I can feel it.

45
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,860
You've made up your mind, really.

46
00:06:49,140 --> 00:06:50,640
You know you have.

47
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:02,240
Please come in.

48
00:07:02,620 --> 00:07:04,460
I haven't taken my finger off the bell.

49
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,820
Don't come in. It's so cold out, isn't
it?

50
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,400
Yes, but... You saw the notice in the
window?

51
00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:12,500
Yes, yes, I did.

52
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:13,720
I knew you would.

53
00:07:14,460 --> 00:07:15,460
New?

54
00:07:15,740 --> 00:07:17,840
That's why I put it there. You need a
room.

55
00:07:18,580 --> 00:07:22,040
Well, yes, as a matter of fact. It's all
ready for you, my dear.

56
00:07:22,540 --> 00:07:24,420
But I was going to the Bell and Dragon.

57
00:07:24,740 --> 00:07:25,740
They're full.

58
00:07:26,220 --> 00:07:30,340
Full? They always telephone me when they
are. We have a little joke about it.

59
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:33,720
I'm their overflow, a sort of annex to
the official hotel.

60
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:36,160
Do come out of the cold.

61
00:07:43,850 --> 00:07:46,750
Oh, excuse my asking, but how... Four
pounds.

62
00:07:47,010 --> 00:07:52,010
You won't find anywhere more reasonable.
And that includes an egg for breakfast.

63
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:53,930
Oh.

64
00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:56,010
Well, that's fantastic.

65
00:07:56,410 --> 00:08:00,210
The bell and dragon charges more than
double. But they're full anyway.

66
00:08:00,650 --> 00:08:01,650
Thanks, men.

67
00:08:01,770 --> 00:08:06,350
What we used to call commercial
travellers. I never take that sort of

68
00:08:07,050 --> 00:08:08,090
Do come in.

69
00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:17,800
We'll all sit at the chain at night.

70
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:19,680
Safer.

71
00:08:20,180 --> 00:08:21,500
Welcome home, dear.

72
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:23,920
Home?

73
00:08:24,580 --> 00:08:28,540
I tell all my guests that to treat my
house as home.

74
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,420
Home from home, dear.

75
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,080
Oh, do put your hat there.

76
00:08:35,059 --> 00:08:37,740
And let me help you with your coat.
Thank you.

77
00:08:44,990 --> 00:08:47,470
Bet you're from London, aren't you?
That's right, yes.

78
00:08:47,810 --> 00:08:50,550
You'll find a bath so much more restful.

79
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:52,510
Shall I lead the way?

80
00:08:52,810 --> 00:08:53,810
Oh, please.

81
00:08:57,790 --> 00:08:59,650
We have the house all to ourselves.

82
00:09:00,310 --> 00:09:03,970
The fact is, I'm just a teeny -weeny bit
loosey.

83
00:09:04,550 --> 00:09:06,490
Particular, if you see what I mean.

84
00:09:06,730 --> 00:09:10,450
But I'm always ready. Be prepared, as I
used to say in the Girl Guides.

85
00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:12,850
Everything's always ready here.

86
00:09:13,450 --> 00:09:14,530
Trust on me. Oh, John.

87
00:09:15,450 --> 00:09:20,090
That an acceptable young gentleman
should come along. And it's such a

88
00:09:20,090 --> 00:09:26,190
when I do happen to open a door. Oh, to
some lonely man who's just exactly

89
00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:27,190
right.

90
00:09:29,250 --> 00:09:30,830
Like you, dear.

91
00:09:36,210 --> 00:09:37,550
This floor is mine.

92
00:09:40,270 --> 00:09:42,950
I shouldn't rely on that, dear.

93
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,100
It stopped ages ago. I see.

94
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,000
Quite.

95
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,940
You intend to work at Mars? Yes, I've
been sent down to our brown top.

96
00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:53,680
What fun.

97
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:02,200
Oh, no, after you, dear.

98
00:10:02,580 --> 00:10:03,580
It's your room.

99
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,360
It's super. It's very nice. I'm so glad
you like it, dear.

100
00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:20,060
The morning sun comes right in the
window, Mr Perkins.

101
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,280
It is Mr Perkins, isn't it?

102
00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:24,660
No.

103
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,240
No, it's Weaver, as a matter of fact.
William Weaver.

104
00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:30,740
Of course, Mr Weaver. How silly of me.

105
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:35,120
Weaver. Such a nice, reliable name, too.

106
00:10:37,740 --> 00:10:39,860
I've put a hot water bottle in your bed.

107
00:10:40,980 --> 00:10:42,520
It's such a comfort, don't you think?

108
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:45,020
to find a hot water bottle in a strange
bed.

109
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:50,260
And do light the gas fire at any time if
you can till it. Thank you.

110
00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:51,580
That's very kind.

111
00:10:52,540 --> 00:10:54,420
I'm so glad you materialised.

112
00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:59,420
I was beginning to get worried in case
my inner voice had let me down.

113
00:11:01,020 --> 00:11:02,020
Inner voice?

114
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:04,200
Intuition, dear.

115
00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:08,080
But then, just as I thought it had got
too late, there you were.

116
00:11:08,860 --> 00:11:10,720
Now, how about supper?

117
00:11:11,020 --> 00:11:12,320
Oh, I'm not hungry, thank you.

118
00:11:12,730 --> 00:11:15,390
I had some sandwiches on the train. My
mother made them.

119
00:11:16,330 --> 00:11:18,310
Ham and watercress. How nice.

120
00:11:18,650 --> 00:11:20,350
Plenty of iron and watercress.

121
00:11:20,850 --> 00:11:21,890
Good for the blood.

122
00:11:24,130 --> 00:11:27,490
I think I'll just go straight to bed as
I've got to get up rather early

123
00:11:27,490 --> 00:11:28,449
tomorrow, you see.

124
00:11:28,450 --> 00:11:29,870
So as to report to the office.

125
00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:31,390
Of course, dear.

126
00:11:34,350 --> 00:11:38,710
Oh, uh, the you -know -where is at the
end of the palette.

127
00:11:39,430 --> 00:11:40,730
Well, I'll leave you to unpack.

128
00:11:41,130 --> 00:11:44,770
But before you go to bed, would you be
so kind as to pop downstairs and find

129
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:45,770
guest book on the piano?

130
00:11:46,590 --> 00:11:47,590
Everyone has to.

131
00:11:47,930 --> 00:11:52,370
It's the law of the land, and we don't
want to go breaking the law, do we?

132
00:12:25,390 --> 00:12:29,590
And remember that, no bargaining when it
comes down.

133
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,170
Dear Mum and Dad,

134
00:12:32,910 --> 00:12:36,810
just a quick newsflash to say I've
arrived in one piece.

135
00:12:37,730 --> 00:12:40,310
Good lodgings with a nice landlady.

136
00:12:40,990 --> 00:12:43,730
A bit crazy, but okay.

137
00:12:45,070 --> 00:12:47,650
Sort of everyone's favourite aunt.

138
00:12:48,370 --> 00:12:49,730
Very cosy.

139
00:12:52,140 --> 00:12:54,880
Don't let my awful sister drag you down.

140
00:12:57,420 --> 00:12:58,420
Joke.

141
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:01,160
Love.

142
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:05,560
Billy. Oh, I'm so glad you remember the
book.

143
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,080
That's funny.

144
00:13:11,580 --> 00:13:12,580
Hmm?

145
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:14,840
These names.

146
00:13:16,660 --> 00:13:19,680
Gregory Temple and Christopher
Mulholland.

147
00:13:25,550 --> 00:13:26,550
Charming bowling.

148
00:13:28,010 --> 00:13:29,550
They sound sort of familiar.

149
00:13:29,890 --> 00:13:30,890
Do they?

150
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,310
Hmm.

151
00:13:33,250 --> 00:13:35,170
I'm sure I've heard of them somewhere
before.

152
00:13:35,610 --> 00:13:37,030
Really? What fun.

153
00:13:40,150 --> 00:13:41,370
Was it in the paper?

154
00:13:42,070 --> 00:13:44,010
Oh, I couldn't have thought so, dear.

155
00:13:44,770 --> 00:13:47,510
Perhaps they're famous footballers or
pop stars.

156
00:13:47,930 --> 00:13:51,630
Famous? No, but they were
extraordinarily handsome.

157
00:13:55,820 --> 00:13:56,820
And the date?

158
00:13:56,940 --> 00:14:00,640
This entry's over two years old, and
Christopher Mulholland's is nearly a

159
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,040
before that, July 75.

160
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,060
How time does lie, Mr Wilkins.

161
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:06,400
Weaver.

162
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:08,960
W -E -A -V -E -R.

163
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,360
Silly me, I do apologise.

164
00:14:11,580 --> 00:14:13,860
In one ear, out the other, that's me.

165
00:14:14,260 --> 00:14:19,480
Weaver, Mr Weaver, Weaver. I must have
meant it in my mind.

166
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,240
It's kind of peculiar, you see.

167
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:24,720
Mulholland and Temple.

168
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:26,680
sort of connect.

169
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:33,440
You know, go together in my mind, like,
um... Laurel and Hardy, you know?

170
00:14:34,620 --> 00:14:35,680
I don't, dear.

171
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:41,280
Your tea's all done. Oh, you couldn't
have bothered. It was no problem.

172
00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:42,500
Do come and sit down.

173
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,620
That's right. By me, dear.

174
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:48,180
Um... Oh!

175
00:14:57,710 --> 00:15:00,910
What I mean is, it's... Oh, it's stupid.

176
00:15:02,470 --> 00:15:05,490
It's on the tip of me tongue. Now, where
have I heard those two names before?

177
00:15:07,370 --> 00:15:08,370
Got it!

178
00:15:08,530 --> 00:15:12,950
Mulholland! Sugar? He was on a walking
tour of the West Country, and he... Oh,

179
00:15:13,050 --> 00:15:17,190
three lumps, please. He was a schoolboy
at Eton. Oh, no, dear, that can't be

180
00:15:17,190 --> 00:15:19,410
right. My Mr Mulholland was at
Cambridge.

181
00:15:19,810 --> 00:15:20,810
He was an undergraduate.

182
00:15:25,150 --> 00:15:26,150
Biscuit?

183
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:32,720
How cosy.

184
00:15:32,780 --> 00:15:34,780
The fire isn't too hot for you, is it?

185
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,380
I do hope you like China tea.

186
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:40,880
It's very nice.

187
00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:49,100
Dear Mr Mulholland, such a one for his
tea. I never saw anyone drink so much

188
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,100
tea.

189
00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:52,960
Has he stayed with you recently?

190
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:54,840
Sweet boy.

191
00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:58,160
I know. I saw his name in the papers.

192
00:16:00,490 --> 00:16:01,490
Oh, my.

193
00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,990
I like a ginger biscuit to be crisp.

194
00:16:04,470 --> 00:16:08,930
Mr. Mulholland is staying here now, and
Mr. Temple. They're both still with me.

195
00:16:09,810 --> 00:16:10,810
Oh.

196
00:16:11,750 --> 00:16:12,750
Will I meet them?

197
00:16:13,050 --> 00:16:14,250
D .V., as we say.

198
00:16:15,050 --> 00:16:16,029
Mm -hmm.

199
00:16:16,030 --> 00:16:17,470
God willing, dear. Oh.

200
00:16:19,650 --> 00:16:22,770
How old are you, Mr... Mr... Don't tell
me.

201
00:16:24,230 --> 00:16:26,670
Wheel... Weaver.

202
00:16:27,610 --> 00:16:28,610
There.

203
00:16:29,290 --> 00:16:30,430
Oh, what a relief.

204
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,490
Yes. Eighteen. I'm eighteen.

205
00:16:33,130 --> 00:16:35,770
Eighteen. Oh, it's the perfect age.

206
00:16:36,170 --> 00:16:40,430
Mr Mulholland was seventeen when he
first stayed with me.

207
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:44,690
He can't have... He can't have been.

208
00:16:45,150 --> 00:16:46,150
He was.

209
00:16:46,990 --> 00:16:49,090
But you can't go to Cambridge when
you're seventeen.

210
00:16:49,510 --> 00:16:54,350
You can if you're clever, dear. He was
terribly clever. A scholar. Very

211
00:16:54,350 --> 00:16:59,680
studious. He was a trifle shorter than
you, and his teeth weren't quite the

212
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:00,680
white of yours.

213
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:03,680
You had the most beautiful teeth, Mr
Weaver.

214
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,280
My dad calls them my whited sepulchres.

215
00:17:07,740 --> 00:17:09,560
You should see the fillings at the back.

216
00:17:11,060 --> 00:17:17,099
Mr Temple was rather older, 28 in fact,
but I'd never have believed him if he

217
00:17:17,099 --> 00:17:17,979
hadn't told me.

218
00:17:17,980 --> 00:17:20,380
He hadn't a blemish on his body.

219
00:17:30,030 --> 00:17:31,030
A baby.

220
00:17:32,270 --> 00:17:33,270
More tea?

221
00:17:35,790 --> 00:17:36,790
No, thanks.

222
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:40,850
That parrot.

223
00:17:42,970 --> 00:17:45,350
When I first saw it, I thought... You
thought he was alive?

224
00:17:46,170 --> 00:17:47,170
Yes.

225
00:17:47,950 --> 00:17:48,950
Alas, no.

226
00:17:49,390 --> 00:17:50,910
Poor Sinbad.

227
00:17:52,490 --> 00:17:53,490
May I look?

228
00:17:53,630 --> 00:17:55,410
Of course, dear. Of course.

229
00:18:08,330 --> 00:18:09,330
Pretty boy.

230
00:18:10,170 --> 00:18:13,370
Sinbad always said that. So full of
himself.

231
00:18:14,950 --> 00:18:16,370
It's amazingly clever.

232
00:18:18,710 --> 00:18:20,830
Who did it? It doesn't look dead at all.

233
00:18:21,030 --> 00:18:21,869
I know.

234
00:18:21,870 --> 00:18:23,170
I did it, dear.

235
00:18:23,530 --> 00:18:24,530
You did?

236
00:18:25,130 --> 00:18:26,130
Yes.

237
00:18:29,250 --> 00:18:30,250
Excuse me.

238
00:18:32,310 --> 00:18:34,130
I do feel...

239
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,780
This room does get very warm. Have you
met Basil?

240
00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:48,120
That's why he didn't bark when I came
in. Basil was a terrible barker.

241
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,700
Oh, he reeled hard.

242
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:57,280
Must be awfully difficult to do a thing
like that. On the contrary, no.

243
00:18:57,620 --> 00:18:59,200
Not a creature one has loved.

244
00:18:59,620 --> 00:19:04,340
That way one can go on loving him
forever and ever and ever.

245
00:19:13,129 --> 00:19:15,110
Oh. I'm sorry, I must sit down.

246
00:19:16,610 --> 00:19:18,690
You did find the book, didn't you?

247
00:19:19,470 --> 00:19:20,570
Yes. Good.

248
00:19:20,870 --> 00:19:21,870
More tea?

249
00:19:21,890 --> 00:19:22,890
No, thank you.

250
00:19:24,470 --> 00:19:28,790
I stuff all my little pets when they
pass away.

251
00:19:30,090 --> 00:19:31,690
I'm glad you remember the book.

252
00:19:32,110 --> 00:19:35,770
Because later, if I forget, and you know
now what a one I am for forgetting, I

253
00:19:35,770 --> 00:19:37,510
can always pop down and look it up.

254
00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:43,990
I still do that every day with Mr
Mulholland and Mr... Mr...

255
00:19:43,990 --> 00:19:47,070
Oh, they're gone again.

256
00:19:49,490 --> 00:19:52,270
I remember now.

257
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:11,380
Bedtime, dear.

258
00:20:13,260 --> 00:20:14,780
Up we go.

259
00:20:19,220 --> 00:20:21,220
I'm nearly there.

260
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,160
That's a good boy.

261
00:20:24,580 --> 00:20:25,740
In we go.

262
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:41,260
The tea tasted bitter.

263
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:43,720
Quite dear, exactly.

264
00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:46,080
To help you sleep.

265
00:20:48,340 --> 00:20:53,740
I must breathe.

266
00:20:58,660 --> 00:21:02,200
The place for you was bad, Billy.

267
00:21:19,630 --> 00:21:20,770
Did you undress me?

268
00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:23,390
Of course, dear.

269
00:21:23,870 --> 00:21:26,890
And believe me, you're just as handsome
as the others.

270
00:21:31,510 --> 00:21:32,750
No need to blush.

271
00:21:33,230 --> 00:21:34,610
You're beautiful.

272
00:21:49,770 --> 00:21:50,770
Right, Mr. Wilkins.

273
00:21:58,450 --> 00:22:00,090
Still reading, Mr. Mulholland.

274
00:22:00,370 --> 00:22:02,810
Can't you see that Mr. Temper wants to
sleep?

275
00:22:21,230 --> 00:22:22,450
Nice job, boys.